Fluff those tail feathers...

Are you aware that in most species the male is the more attractive of the two sexes? Take for example the Lion. His large mane blows in the wind to attract the site of a lioness. The male mandarin duck has colorful feathers and beautiful plumes to attract his mate. If you look at the human species how are the ways in which men attract women? Possibly their looks, although women tend to wear more makeup, color their hair and bat their eyelashes more than men. Is it there flashy cars and big houses? What is it about men that make us women crazy to procreate?

How is the guy that has no fancy feathers to offer getting a girl? I have gone on many recent dates with young guys (age 24-26) that have no job, no car, and multiple children by different women. Those who do have a job work at 7/11 or another gas station. Where do these guys get off thinking they are going to score a chick that has a job, her own car that she paid for and her own apartment that she supports?

And yet they do! I am clearly one of those going out with these guys. But it stops today. I want a man with his purple "I have a good paying job" feather or his mane of "no baby mama drama". Show me what you have to offer me! Because I am done settling for the hairless cat sitting in the corner with his illegitimate children that he pays for with food stamps...

C'mon boys ... start showing women what you have to offer them...

But I miss him...

Do you ever have the girlfriend that sends you that random text late at night saying "I miss _____"? Even though the "relationship", or what we have fabricated into thinking was a relationship, lasted all of 0.5 seconds? I have had this experience even personally. When you get all caught up in a guy thinking that what you are giving him is exactly what he is going to give you back. However, it never seems to end that way until you actually find Mr Right and it becomes that happily ever after moment. Until then, however, we as women chose to do this. I am not here to bash men, because clearly I am stating women are crazy. This is more about us as women taking the reins and driving this wild ride we call life.

Upon receiving my friend's text, I began to dig a little deeper. Why do you miss him? What about this moment has made you think of him? She responded with "I just care about him." Why do we care about someone who has made it clear they do not care about us? I threatened her with an excerpt from a book she made me read during one of my break ups, "It's Called a Break Up Because It's Broken" by Greg Behrendt. I keep a photo of these words on my phone for this very moment of weakness. It reads "The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, 'No, thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere'... Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears". This being a strong, bold and honest statement is often times something we as women don't want to hear but need to. My friend told me she was unwilling to go out on dates with other guys because she was afraid it might get back to him. HE DOESN'T CARE. He went off and dated some blond bimbo with fake tat-tas and posted pictures of the two of them contracting some raunchy STDs in a Vegas pool within a week of them breaking up. He clearly had no thoughts of my friend when doing that, so why hang on?

My advice is this "You deserve to be missed. In all it's ways. You deserve to have a guy make you a priority and feel hopeless with out you. A guy that feels sick to his stomach missing you. That pulls up your number to text you and erases it over and over again because what he is going to say still doesn't make up for the way he feels about you". Rather than sitting around missing some guy or some faux relationship we have built in our heads, I encourage anyone to go out and find that real relationship without holding onto the past. By definition, the term relationship is the way in which two people are connected. Simply holding onto some memory of a cute boy ... isn't a connection.

Don't be the girl always doing the "missing". Define yourself and be someone worth missing....